As some of you may recall, I work at a convenience store in Lincoln, NE. Not going to say which one, but if you know me in person, you probably know where I work. Working in the c-store industry is a real headache most any time of year, but especially around the winter holidays - and even more so when the weather turns cold and snowy. But once in a while someone comes in that changes my perspective on things.

Late in my shift last night one of my regulars came into the store. I give this lady (let's call her Tabitha for simplicity's sake) a hard time most visits. She's fun to talk with and flips the s**t right back.

Tabitha is from the Sudan. I'm not entirely sure if she is from Sudan or South Sudan, haven't asked her. If you have been following the news at all over the last decade or so you know that that region of Africa seems to be in constant turmoil. Even after the elections that allowed for the creation of the new country, South Sudan.

When she came in last night I did my usual greeting of "Hello, Trouble." Usually she makes some funny remark or teases me right back. This time, Tabitha stopped right inside the door, looked at me with sorrow and came to the counter. I could tell right then that something was really wrong in her life. I didn't have to wait long to find out what it was.

Image via Wikipedia

I'm not going to be able to quote the conversation accurately, so I won't even try.

Tabitha came up to the counter and started talking about her family. She's been coming into the store longer than I have worked there, but I have gotten to know her some over the last couple of years. I know that she has children

and I knew when I met her that she was Sudanese. I didn't know how hard her life had been before she came to Lincoln, nor how hard it still is for her. She lost her father when she was five, she told me last night. She also shared that she lost her mother when she was a young teen. Just hearing that made my eyes burn with unshed tears. She continued to talk and shared with me that she had just found out (Tuesday) that the village she is from had been attacked and 35 members of

her family were killed.

Okay, right there, I just about lost it. The emotion coming off Tabitha was very much real and very much there! I

grabbed the box of tissue that we have on the counter and set it down in front of her. I didn't offer it to her, just made it available. She was being amazingly strong at that point, and I did not want to her feel that I was pitying her. Yes, I felt sorry for her, but not pity. Tabitha is a strong woman.  She must be to have survived to move to the United States and to raise a family here, knowing that her homeland may not be any place she can take them in the near future.

But that wasn't all. After she shared about the loss of life and everything else she shared some of her faith with me. Tabitha is Christian. No problem there for me. She looked at me and said "I know you are a Christian. Doesn't matter if you are

black or white, man or woman. You are a good man." I wasn't going to disabuse her of the idea that I was Christian. At this point in the conversation it would have been wrong of me to say I wasn't. She was talking about the agape ideal of Christianity. Which is something I can easily embrace. Love for my fellow human being is something that I do strive for

and try to live up to as much as possible.

I think what really hit me with this whole conversation last night was not that she felt a kinship to me on spiritual grounds, or that she felt comfortable enough to share this tragedy with me. I think what really hit me was one of the most profound and complimentary things any of my costumers have ever said to me. "I think of you as my big brother."

THUD I just about wanted to cry right there and then. I'm one of seven children, but I am the youngest. Few people have ever said anything like that to me. And those that have are ones I have known on a deep level for some time. For this woman, who I hardly know outside of work, to say something like that got me thinking.

Like Tabitha said, it doesn't matter what color you are, where you are from, or anything like that. Showing love and true feeling for people is something that most anyone can see. I do try to be open, honest, and genuine with the people I meet. Not just in my persona life, but at work and on the street. Not always easy to do, but it is a goal of mine in life. Being able to show love (platonic, agape or romantic) is something that is important for us to do as human beings and as Pagans.

I don't care if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan or nontheist (atheist, etc). What I do care about is your heart.  The love and compassion that you share with those around you. I'm not asking anyone to wear their heart of their sleeve. That's just asking for it to be ripped out and stomped on by every greedy, selfish, and unfeeling person you encounter. What I am suggesting is that you be willing to open your heart up to others and share of yourself.

What Tabitha gave me last night was not a tear-jerker story, but a very real and very rare gift. And I wanted to share some of that gift with you.

Blessings to you all! And my whatever Divine power(s) you believe in shine upon you with love and laughter this winter season and throughout your life!

Phil in the KZUM music stacks. Photo courtesy Deb Andersen

Now, why on Earth would I want to participate in such a challenge? Simple. I love to read! Well, duh. I suppose most of you already knew that. And since I love to read and share my thoughts on what I read….I figured why not. And I can take the next step in the challenge and write up reviews on what I read. I’ve been intending to start a new segment on PMPC anyway. And now I can make that new segment even more fun for the listener.

So, let’s see what I can get accomplished in 2012. I am going for the highest level of the Domestic Pagan’s challenge: Elder Reader, 36 or more books. The rules seem simple enough. Read books that in some manner or another pertain to spirituality, religion, paranormal, etc. Fiction and non-fiction. looks at his library That’s almost my entire collection of books.

I’ll post to this blog message when I have completed a book and include links to the written review and the audio cast of the review on PMPC. Let me know if you are participating in the challenge, maybe we can share notes, ideas, and just have a fun time of it.

2012 is going to be a year for learning! Let’s have fun learning and participate in this fun and exciting challenge!

Read, live, enjoy! -Phil

Phil in the KZUM music stacks. Photo courtesy Deb Andersen

It appears that I set things up wrong when giving Sarah blog posting access and all of her blogs required my approval. Well, that’s just plain silly! Why would I need to approve my business partner’s posts? I don’t need to. So I have changed her settings. While I was at it, I dug through the pending comments that I had missed and a lot of them went into the spam file, but there were some fabulous comments that really needed to be shared with our readers. So those are now available.

Some of Sarah’s recent posts:

The Dark of the Year: In Praise of Past, Present and Future

Magickal Tools: If you use them, they will work…

Pagan Parenting: Spiritual Responsibility

Belief and Eclecticism: Oxymoron? No, neither an ox nor a moron

I guess you could say, I am scraping for an apology here. I somehow managed to go a couple of months without even realizing that I was missing things for the blog. For that I am very apologetic. Going to see what I can do to make sure we have at least one new post for you every week. Written by Sarah or myself. Would also love to see some guest posts coming your way next way. We have a couple of contributors already, but haven’t seen much new from them recently. I will be plumbing their depths for some new articles and posts of interest for all of you.

With that in mind, do you have any requests for topics?

Possible topics or categories to work on (and this is just off the top of my tired brain):

• Tarot
• Meditation
• Essential Oils/Herbs
• Magickal Recipes
• New Age/Pagan Music
• Gods/Goddesses
• Sabbats/Esbats
• Animal Totems/Familiars
• Mythology
• Pagan Books/Authors

Your comments and suggestions are always welcome. Click on the comment option and tell us what you want to hear about!

Your overly busy, yet ready and able, blog master….

-Phil

During this time of year, the dark of the year, we as Pagans have a fairly unique opportunity within our spiritual wheel of the year. We have the opportunity to grow, spiritually, internally, rather than externally. The Wheel of the Year shows us how to use the energy of Nature to develop in a healthy cycle.

The Dark of the Year is the time of introverts, when humanity as a whole goes from exuberant, exo-energetic creatures to inner-focused beings who welcome the dark and calm of semi-hibernation. We don’t sleep the season away like the bear, but rather we enjoy a certain lethargy of the body, which allows us to grow our mental and emotional selves. We embrace the Yin in the world, the Feminine in ourselves, the dark/cold/wet/gestational parts of Nature.

In animals, a “false” hibernation is often called torpor or languor. I, for one, like “languor,” or “languid.” The word (words are power, remember) calls up in my mind an image of sensuality, of liquid, passive, flowing, small movements. Isn’t that what we crave during the Dark of the Year? Lying in bed, snuggling with family and blankets, lounging around the home with warm, liquid foods and drinks. Celebrating life and survival while death (dark, cold, wet weather) prowls around the periphery.

Death and gestation are two faces of the same coin. They bracket life like not-quite-identical bookends, giving us the time of dark and wet and quiet before we start going, going, going as life demands far too often. The season of winter, the Dark of the Year, allows us to pause in this rat-race of work and family and action, action, action. Winter is a small death that gives us a moment to breath, mentally and emotionally.

So how do we take advantage of this time when we can get back in touch with ourselves and those closest to us during the major holidays of the season of the Holly King?

Samhain
Samhain is the Final Harvest in the Wheel of the Year. This is the time when we finalize our homes, families, selves, and plans in preparation for the Dark. We get that last little bit of psychological food in our metaphorical bellies before we chill out for the season.

It is also the Death of the Sun/Oak King, a god that represents produce/production/action/Yang. He is that force that gets us out of the house on the first Spring day, who has us doing sports, crafts, and vacations with rock climbing, water slides and snorkeling. Now, he’s dead, giving his body as the Final Harvest to supply our Languor during the Dark of the Year. His death gives us permission to be languid, to do nothing more (physically) than get by.

Samhain is the time for looking back and celebrating death and those who have died, apropos for the festival of the Death of the Oak King. It is the season for remembering what and who has come before. It is the time for embracing those people who have changed you, for better or worse, and have passed on, either in death or simply by moving out of your life.

It is especially appropriate to look back at the “life” of your personal Oak King, your activities for the year, and remember them and how they have changed you over the course of the year. It is a good time for assessing what you’ve done and how that is working for you, or not. It is a time of recollection and evaluation. It is time to appreciate how you have grown, by your own motivation or by the influence of people and circumstances.

Thanksgiving
Many Pagans (and Christians, for that matter) do not consider Thanksgiving to be a holy day. But a holiday (holy day) it is.

I would argue that Thanksgiving is the natural extension of Samhain. After celebrating the time of Death and what has passed, we move on to appreciation for what we still have. We gather with friends, family and food to embrace our emotional and physical wealth. We gather in groups to pool our resources, reveling in the duel affluence of luxurious, sensual foods and the emotional plenty of friends and family to share it.

What better follow-up for the Death of the Active Year then to celebrate those who we want to be languid around?

Of course, no Thanksgiving is complete without the sensual experience of those treasured, beloved foods shared with all, and the languid aftermath of the feasting, when everyone sits around and indulges in some light conversation or gossip, or enjoying games that don’t get played during those times when we are all too busy being active.

I think that a lot of people make a mistake during Thanksgiving. They forget the purpose of celebration. This is not the time for taking up the responsibility of supplying everything; it is the time of pooling resources. It is not meant to be spent among those who bring out negative emotions; it is a celebration of gratitude and love. Pressure to be perfect has become part and parcel of the holiday season, but allowing that pressure to choose who and how you participate is still a choice. Choose to make it the celebration it should be.

Yule
The last holiday before the return of the light (Imbolc) is Yule, the Birth of the Sun/Oak King. This is the time when the days stop getting shorter, and begin getting longer. The promise of sun and warmth and activity is made as Mother Nature/Goddess births the God-child that will return these to us.

Yule is the time of the Promise of Life. The plants will bloom again, the birds will sing, creatures great and small will make themselves known once more. The Dark will fade into sunlight. It isn’t here yet, but it will come.

Imagine if the days didn’t get longer ever again. Imagine our sorrow if there was no promise of spring to come. If we couldn’t “see the light” of summer on the way. The promise of returning life/spring is just as important to us as the actual return. Even as the weather gets worse in the heart of winter, the sun shines a few minutes longer each day as evidence that we will not be cold forever.

Yule is the perfect time to make our own promises. While this is often done at New Years (a mere ten-day after Yule), this is when we feel the need to plan and affirm the actions we will be taking when the Oak King returns in full power. This is when we chart our course for after the thaw of spring releases our languor into animation.

Take the time to consciously prepare yourself for the coming year. You have taken the time to remember what has passed at Samhain, to celebrate your present at Thanksgiving. Now is the time to create your future at Yule. Use the knowledge of the past and resources of the present to conceive your best future, to invest those resources in the next step of your life. The Oak King will return, and as the flowers bloom, so your chosen course of action may use the energies of spring to bring your life into greater fruition.

Many blessings during your Languor in the Dark of the Year!

And this is just the stuff we make for sale, never mind the staffs, swords, wands, Tarot, and ritual jewelry and statuary on and around our altars.

The funny thing about this stuff being all over is that the kids ask about it.

“What is it for?” “Why do we have it?” “How does it work?”

Having the extra kids around, we also get the disbelief questions, also: “You can’t REALLY cast spells with a staff… Can you?” To which (witch, haha) I gleefully respond, “Um, yeah, I can.”

I guess we could be like some people and keep all the precious and/or possibly harmful objects (hey, a wand is dangerous… you could shoot your eye out!) away from the kids until it is determined that they are old enough. But we would miss out on the everyday conversations about our religious beliefs.

I have to admit, one of my favorites is the periodically recurring “witches are evil” discussion. First of all, claiming that you are a witch to small children who are convinced that all witches are of the green-skinned, Wizard of Oz, gonna-getcha variety never fails to evoke a facial expression of epic hilarity.

Personal humor aside, most religions have some way of periodically exposing their children to the expression of their beliefs and practices. Why should we be in the broom closet to our own kids?

Don’t bug me, I’m reading the “newspaper”!

On the surface there doesn’t seem to be much of a difference between parenting and pagan parenting. However, pagan parenting, like all spiritual-based parenting techniques, takes into account a larger picture than most parenting styles encompass. Pagan parenting or spiritual parenting takes into account the effects of, and on, the soul.

As I write this, I am reminded of two things. The first is my son’s behavior this morning. He’s two now, so you can imagine how much FUN he can be, and by fun I mean a royal pain. He doesn’t like to leave in the morning, so getting to work on time (or even close to it) is virtually impossible. He’s also getting potty trained right now, so I get to spend a lot of time cleaning up messes.

The thing is, I’m always getting advice from my own parents, often accompanied by information that I know is unsafe or a negative influence. If I say so, the response is something like “we did this and you’re still alive”. Okay, but I don’t want my son to just survive, I want him to thrive! Big difference in result, not much difference in effort.

The second thing I’m reminded of is my decision. As a single mother, I had to think (for a whole five seconds) about whether to continue down the path of motherhood. I never wanted to be a parent, but when it happened, well, it was destined to be. But I refused to enter into this adventure lightly. I spent hours and hours thinking about my responsibilities to this new life I had created.

One of the big things I pondered was that I was making the choice, not my son. That makes his life my responsibility, that makes his growth and development my burden, or purpose. How he turns out is a direct result of how I embark on this journey. His soul is as much mine to care for as is his body. Talk about stress!

Yeah, I had some doubts as to whether I could handle that kind of responsibility. But I had an advantage over my own and many other parents – I know what my purpose, my responsibility, to my son includes. Heck, I even have a vague idea of how I can live up to this responsibility.

Internet research… become an expert on ANYTHING!

So, I spent the next 10 months (yeah, he was twice-baked) doing research. Number one subject was child development information. In other words, if I expect certain behavior from my son, is it age-appropriate, or will I just end up punishing him for behaving the way he is built to behave?

Seems like a no-big-deal kind of thing, right? Well, what happens when someone tells you that you are too loud, too happy, too shy, etc.? Aren’t they punishing you for being you? Is that fair of them? How does it make you feel? Wouldn’t it be nice if they just accepted you for you? Don’t your children deserve the same?

Number two subject was psychological development, beyond the norm. It’s called trans-personal psychology. It explains what the difference is between being functional in life and being one of the greats. If I can help my child achieve that level of self-confidence and generosity of heart, why wouldn’t I?

Number three subject was more of an introspection. Taking all of the information that I had learned, I applied it to my own beliefs on spirituality.Then I had to try to figure out how to pass on my beliefs to my son while keeping the spirit of his psychological and mental development. Fortunately, they mesh well together into a single concept: RESPECT.

So, I’m on my journey, teaching my son to respect others, respect the earth, and respect the devine as an individual and within others. Meanwhile, I am also teaching him to respect himself (a hallmark of a healthy self-esteem) by respecting him from birth.

This doesn’t mean that he gets away with everything or runs the show. But I do listen to him and explain to him (in age-appropriate language and concepts) why he doesn’t get his way. I also keep in mind that he deserves to be treated with a certain amount of honor, as well as respect. I wouldn’t spank my friend, or even an unliked co-worker, for doing something “wrong”, so why would I spank my son? I teach him that we use towels and cloth diapers so we don’t have so much trash. I explain to him that daycare is where he needs to go so that I can go to work (and I HAVE to go to work!).

These are some of my choices. I recommend that each parent or parent-to-be get educated on different parenting techniques. There are so many good ideas in virtually all parenting styles. And the more you know about how things can be done, the better you can decide what should be done. And really, that’s the only thing a parent really can do.

“But then there are the eclectics, and this is where I get confused. Do eclectics practice in such diverse and idiosyncratic ways because it fits their beliefs? Or, and yes I know this is a touchy idea, does a lack of consistency in practice perhaps denote a lack of belief?”

As an extremely eclectic Pagan, I can answer most assuredly: Maybe.

The truth is, I cannot answer for all eclectic Pagans. I can only answer for myself, and by extension my family.

I don’t do ceremony. Unless I want to. I don’t use ritual tools or cast circles. Unless I want to.

Why? Because I believe that ceremony is a psychological tool to help people “get their spiritual groove on.” If you want to do ceremony, great! If you need ceremony, fine! If you just wrestle your mind into place, think a thought or say a word, I’m right there doing that with you.

But I think of this as more of the way my brain works (I’m never entirely “in” normal reality, so I don’t really have to “leave” it to do my spiritual work), rather than a skill set.

And thoughts become reality… this is seen in most spiritual beliefs as well as quantum physics. So, yes, it is because of my beliefs.
Making magic during the holidays

As for Joe Schmoe Eclectic Pagan over there? I dunno.

He races in reverse; like un-drag…

A week ago, Mercury went retrograde. I should have gone back to bed then.

The problem with Mercury retrograde is that it is the time when you are supposed to take a break from moving forward and solidify your position, assess your direction, and reinvigorate your energy levels. You aren’t supposed to begin new projects, sign contracts or initiate new contacts.

Not THAT Mercury…

The problem with Mercury retrograde is that there is no job in the modern economy that allows its employees to “take a break,” to slow down, to *gasp* reassess the purpose of your work.

Made to be a warning, not a guidebook.

Gods forbid we stop for a minute to check our collective direction. Maybe then the financial industry wouldn’t have screwed up so badly BETTING on the housing bubble. Perhaps we wouldn’t have had to spend my retirement funds bailing out CEOs who might have otherwise gotten fired for being STUPID. It’s even possible that my children would not be in danger of losing all hope of going to college so that we could make sure that big companies that screw us up one side and down the other can use loopholes and tax breaks to boost their profits (which they do NOT trickle down).

Maybe someone would have said, hey, wait a minute, this isn’t right. Maybe someone would have remembered the golden rule, or how their mother taught them to play nice with others. Maybe someone would have realized that, if they had the chance to take a minute, they would have to face their conscience during that minute and that they couldn’t treat their fellow Americans with such disrespect.

Maybe we should stop fighting Mercury when he decides to run backwards like Kindergarteners at recess. It might be just what we need.

Sarah Buhrman with the Lady Bug, Mystic Fest Spring Edition 2011.

Kali-Ma is written by Sarah Buhrman, co-owner of Pangaia Metaphysical Store. She is the proud mother of The Bug and

Lady Bug, her inspiration for the blog.

Today, I read about how the number of people choosing to be childless is going up and up, and more couples with children are regretting having them, claiming less happiness in their marriages, and even getting divorced because of the kids.

I was feeling a bit proud of myself, because despite this, I’m pretty happy with my life and my relationship.

Not that we don’t have these moments…

Then, a coworker told me that she usually fights with her husband every time they go on a trip or plan to have visitors. And I thought, we don’t fight like that.

She said it was because they both expect the other person to do things and get upset when it doesn’t get done.

I tell Stormcrow exactly what I expect all the time. I do not expect him to know what I want… If I want it, I say so.

What does that say about me as a pagan, a parent and a woman?

Well, it says that I know myself. It says that I’m not under the impression that I am or should be a second-class citizen. I don’t expect to be taken care of, child-like, by someone who “knows better.” I have courage to be who I am, without hedging that based on what other people think I should be. I don’t have to compromise myself. I can lead without all the whiny, manipulative games that seem so prevalent in our society.

But the thing that makes me most happy about this, is that my daughter will have a strong female role-model. My son will see woman through a filter of his experience with me.

If my children become able to accept females as being just as capable of leading the family unit, if they learn to see strong women as being as normal as strong men, if they gain the experience of a male-figure who doesn’t depend on his ability to control to be the source of his manliness, then I will have accomplished so much more than I had ever dared to hope.

Oh, and na na-na na-na naaaa! I have a better relationship than my coworker…